Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I want to be your penis for a week.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
