apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize