if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
