I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
