Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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