if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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