One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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