last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
