fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
