the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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