Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
