i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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