Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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