No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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