he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
