what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
