Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I party with great urgency now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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