At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
