Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
