i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
