Don't you send me to vm
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
