Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
