never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
