She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
