Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
