I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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