The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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