Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I FOUND THE LEGS
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
