Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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