I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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