we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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