My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
