dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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