you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
