Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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