i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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