Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
