yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
