I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
