Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
