Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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