Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
