I skipped work to stalk him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
