Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
