Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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