Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
