Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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