Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The power of my boobs compel you
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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