You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
