Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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