I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
