after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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