By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
