My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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