My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
