Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
