So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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