she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
