I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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