i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
