My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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