She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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