Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there's paper in my vomit.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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