just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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