I accidentally burped into my bong.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
