eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
