I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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