If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
