So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
